Just cropdusted the office
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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