You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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