I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
