Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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