my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
