we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
