she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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