Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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