my vag is so smooth its legendary
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
