I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
