HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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