u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
