when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
