i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
