can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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