I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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