Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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