Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Damn victory sex feels great
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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