when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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