He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
