I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
