wakey wakey hands off snakey
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
