Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
