dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
