Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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