Already got asked if we're dating
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just had sex on a roof
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
