My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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