I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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