Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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