eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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