Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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