1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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