A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
