He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
