I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
whose parrot is this?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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