When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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