All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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