I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
