bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
