Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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