3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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