She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
