I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
