I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
