so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
