I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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