I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This can only be settled by a dance off.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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