if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my sisters under your porch take her home
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
