Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
