in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
