ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
