he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
