I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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