we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
