i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
