our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
