oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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