I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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