I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
