i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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