During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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