Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
