Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
