I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
BRING THE BAGELS
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
