My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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